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Sara Peters's avatar

I have not even finished your article. (I will, I promise.)

I am a conservative Christian. If you saw me, you would probably ask if I’m Amish. (I’m not.)

My husband and I are also foster/adoptive parents. Long, long time ones…almost 30 years ago, our first little toddler came to stay a few months with us.

You. Are. So. Right.

Thank you. I will share this.

I think we/those who came before us didn’t know or understand that what was happening in the home while baby was in utero and what was happening in baby’s brain when she was rocked/held/fed/changed/loved, is actually what comes first. That this trust building comes long before obedience can be taught. Yes, obedience is important but love comes first. And trust comes before love.

And trust, as you know, is not built in a day or two. Or a month or two. Our daughter-now 36 (yes, we took a 10 year old when we were way too young)-trusts us now. She trusts us when life is calm and she trusts us in an emergency. She even trusts us when she is panicking. I believe she would agree when I say that for her to learn to trust us took 20+ years. We messed up so very much. Obedience was not tops but too high on our priority list—and we didn’t even know it.

Our saving grace was that we are not stubborn, not quitters and we are willing to learn. And that she, coming from unspeakable horrors, is incredibly resilient.

I believe, had we known today, what we understand today, perhaps it would have taken only 10 years to earn her trust😏. We are devoting ourselves to parenting differently today than we did back then.

Again, thank you for writing this.

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ericka's avatar

I will be sharing this!

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